walk it out

my relationship with Jesus is hard. i cant think of a time when it was easy. my thought life is a struggle and a thing i wrestle with, mostly doubts, often doubts in my character and myself. i question whether i am good enough or not, or if i am doing enough. its like taking a stroll with Jesus... we are walking and all of a sudden i notice my shoe is untied, and i think "that just wont do, i'm inadequate." so i stop and tie my shoe, but Jesus doesn't care about my shoe or the laces not being tied in a nice little bow. He has bigger plans and a broader focus, so he keep walking. and when i get up i notice, Jesus is a little a head of me, maybe only a couple of feet, so i rush and hurry to catch up, only to find that once again, my shoes are untied. and this time i look up he is even farther ahead, but i have to tie my shoes. if i don't, i might trip and fall and get hurt! so i stop again to tie them, afraid that i will trip and lose even more ground  between me and my Marvelous King. but after a while he is miles ahead of me....... and in this moment i realize, he doesn't need me, and i dont have to have it all together, besides what good does stopping to tie my shoes do me now, he is already miles ahead of me! so if i just sprint after him and get back as fast as possible i can start over. Being by his side makes me realize something i have neglected to think about all along, if im walking next to Jesus and i trip because of untied shoes, he will see me and help me back up. its a beautiful thing. so i am just gonna stop ambling around "tying my shoes" trying to be perfect. im just gonna walk it out the closest i can and the best i can, knowing my Savior is gonna save me if i trip and fall, because i will be by his side.

PRAY

Jesus the Christ,
you refused to turn stones into bread.

save us from using our power,

however little,

to satisfy the demands of selfishness

in the face of the greater needs of others.

Jesus the Christ,

you refused to leap from the temple top.

Save us from displaying our skills, however modest,

to win instant popularity

in the face of nobler calls on our abilities.

Jesus the Christ,

you refused to bend knee to a false God.

Save us from offering our devotion,

however weak,

to cheap or easy religion

in the face of the harder path

on which you bid us to follow you.

Jesus the Christ, 

give us the wisdom to discern evil,

and help us in the face of all that is deceptively attractive

help us to choose the will of God.

my utmost for his highest may 14th....spoke multitudes and got me thinking

. . . that the life of Jesus also may be manifested in our body —2 Corinthians 4:10

We have to develop godly habits to express what God’s grace has done in us. It is not just a question of being saved from hell, but of being saved so that “the life of Jesus also may be manifested in our body.” And it is adversity that makes us exhibit His life in our mortal flesh. Is my life exhibiting the essence of the sweetness of the Son of God, or just the basic irritation of “myself” that I would have apart from Him? The only thing that will enable me to enjoy adversity is the acute sense of eagerness of allowing the life of the Son of God to evidence itself in me. No matter how difficult something may be, I must say, “Lord, I am delighted to obey You in this.” Instantly, the Son of God will move to the forefront of my life, and will manifest in my body that which glorifies Him.

You must not debate. The moment you obey the light of God, His Son shines through you in that very adversity; but if you debate with God, you grieve His Spirit (see Ephesians 4:30). You must keep yourself in the proper condition to allow the life of the Son of God to be manifested in you, and you cannot keep yourself fit if you give way to self-pity. Our circumstances are the means God uses to exhibit just how wonderfully perfect and extraordinarily pure His Son is. Discovering a new way of manifesting the Son of God should make our heart beat with renewed excitement. It is one thing to choose adversity, and quite another to enter into adversity through the orchestrating of our circumstances by God’s sovereignty. And if God puts you into adversity, He is adequately sufficient to “supply all your need” (Philippians 4:19).

Keep your soul properly conditioned to manifest the life of the Son of God. Never live on your memories of past experiences, but let the Word of God always be living and active in you.

MORNING AND EVENING- CHARLES SPURGEON

Matthew 28:20  I am with you alway.

It is well there is One who is ever the same, and who is ever with us. It is well there is one stable rock amidst the billows of the sea of life. O my soul, set not thine affections upon rusting, moth-eaten, decaying treasures, but set thine heart upon him who abides forever faithful to thee. Build not thine house upon the moving quicksands of a deceitful world, but found thy hopes upon this rock, which, amid descending rain and roaring floods, shall stand immovably secure. My soul, I charge thee, lay up thy treasure in the only secure cabinet; store thy jewels where thou canst never lose them. Put thine all in Christ; set all thine affections on his person, all thy hope in his merit, all thy trust in his efficacious blood, all thy joy in his presence, and so thou mayest laugh at loss, and defy destruction. Remember that all the flowers in the world's garden fade by turns, and the day cometh when nothing will be left but the black, cold earth. Death's black extinguisher must soon put out thy candle. Oh! how sweet to have sunlight when the candle is gone! The dark flood must soon roll between thee and all thou hast; then wed thine heart to him who will never leave thee; trust thyself with him who will go with thee through the black and surging current of death's stream, and who will land thee safely on the celestial shore, and make thee sit with him in heavenly places forever. Go, sorrowing son of affliction, tell thy secrets to the Friend who sticketh closer than a brother. Trust all thy concerns with him who never can be taken from thee, who will never leave thee, and who will never let thee leave him, even "Jesus Christ, the same yesterday, and today, and forever." "Lo, I am with you alway," is enough for my soul to live upon, let who will forsake me.

bringing to light

All these things we have, all the things we do, all the things we toil for....what are they for? What is our purpose in them? do we have things right? Are we doing these things right? Why do we struggle so hard and toil so laboriously for things that have no real weight or impact on our lives? Why cant we simply be satisfied by living, by the work of our hands, find the joy in our labor? Are we really working in all things as though we are serving the Lord? Or are we working for our own selfish gain? 

ephesians 6:7-8 Serve wholeheartedly, as if you were serving the Lord, not people,  because you know that the Lord will reward each one for whatever good they do, whether they are slave or free.


We should find the joy in what we are doing, not what we get out of our labors.


ecclesiastes 3:9-14 What do workers gain from their toil?  I have seen the burden God has laid on the human race. He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the human heart; yet no one can fathom what God has done from beginning to end. I know that there is nothing better for people than to be happy and to do good while they live. That each of them may eat and drink, and find satisfaction in all their toil—this is the gift of God. I know that everything God does will endure forever; nothing can be added to it and nothing taken from it. God does it so that people will fear him.


ecclesiastes 3:22 So I saw that there is nothing better for a person than to enjoy their work, because that is their lot. For who can bring them to see what will happen after them?


What are we working for? Why do we get anxious and grumble about what we don't have and what might happen? Because we are ungrateful and selfish. Just slow down for a while and enjoy your life and what you have been given, for it is the gift of God.


phillipians 4:11-13 I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances.  I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do all this through him who gives me strength.

DREAM.....

So i had one of the most vivid dreams of my life last night, i think the general theme may have been inspired by all of the old testament readings yesterday. Either way, i was in a desert wandering and i stumbled upon this town. all the people were in utter terror and confusion, they had lost their ruler or someone of that sort, nothing was terribly specific to that aspect of the story anyways, nothing had unfolded from it. There was a sword in the heart of this towns aquifer, which they had carved out of limestone, and this sword was the most beautiful precious metals. it was guarded by a fierce ( ill just say being, i never saw what it was but only heard a voice)  who killed anyone who tried to take this sword. it belonged to a precious girl who was a rare treasure and was highly sought after. i watched as two went before me into the aquifer to try and take the sword and both were torn to pieces after being warned, "you cannot take that which is not yours to hold" and for some reason i thought i could try and have things end differently. at this point the people of the town had started to calm down from the chaos that was consuming them, dont know why or its significance but it happened. i remember climbing a ladder once inside the aquifer, moving closer and closer to the room where the sword was held. and then as i reached for the door i heard the fierce voice " you cannot hold that which is not yours" so i stopped and said "im sorry, i didnt mean to do any wrong. i will leave and ask the woman if i can hold this precious thing she holds so dear and then return." as i slowly started to turn away the voice said "wait, come. i know i will not regret this, it is already yours, come." so i went inside. and there before me lay the sword and i reached for it. as i was reaching the room filled with demons and they sought what i was reaching for, so i grabbed a stick, or a shepherds crook (its a little fuzzy here) and fought off the demons like they were nothing, the voice i had heard was resounding loudly in a cry and i felt so strong. i drove off the demons and claimed what i had come for.... and then i was shaken awake by my room mate.. im still puzzled by why i remember it so vividly and what it all means. i wish i had a daniel here for me sometimes to interpret my crazy dreams.

DEEPER

The deepest longings and cries of my heart are seldom given a voice by my mouth, but rather my hands. They cry out in anguish with a deep weeping and a pull of sorrow no vocal chords could express. They are tense and rigid, but moving as fluidly as a stream over submerged pieces of history, flowing past the sunken logs and rocks searching for something in the deep still waters of my soul. my hands pull up memories of the past and hopes for the future and give them a sound, a resonation that hums with an intonation of grace in my heart. sometimes my hands voice my joy and gladness, and other times they bring to light a deep sobbing and inexpressible anguish which can never be justified by any utterance of my lips, my hands create things my clumsy mouth could never do. silence is my solace and my strength, when i have her in my hands she sings to me sweetly, my weeping nightingale. my hands bring to life my voice through my music and my guitar, in her my deepest passion and aching awakens. the silence bound to my soul is broken and out pours the yearnings of my heart.


A man who works his hands is a laborer. He who works with his hands and his head is a craftsman. He who works with his hands, his head, and his heart is..... an artist.
                                  ST. Francis of Assisi

psalm 40:17

i feel so needy and afflicted sometimes, even when nothing is wrong. i hate battling depression that has no reason to exist, i hate sorrow that has no point or substance, i hate my flesh. psalm 40:17 Since I am afflicted and needy, Let the Lord be mindful of me. You are my help and my deliverer; Do not delay, O my God.

REFRESH? DELETE? GO BACK?

Sometimes in  life i get stuck, i get complacent and find myself staring at a blank page. After a while i wonder to myself, "why am i staring at this page thats doing nothing?" and i feel quite foolish. I am then faced with my options, refresh the page and look for new better things, delete by closing the window, or go back and search for something new or look over things i have already seen. Life is painfully similar, and often we are faced with the same choices. do we simply get rid of the people or things troubling us? Sometimes yes, most times no. Or perhaps we go back in our mind and live in moments and things that happened? its nice for what it is but we often find ourselves being enticed and indulged by dreams and past pleasures, and in doing so we lose our perception and sight of reality and become lost to the changes around us, unable to progress. Opportunity is a terrible thing to waste, because its the one thing you can never get back. we must be diligent in living for what the day and the Lord has to offer us. Sometimes  we simply need to delete things that just will never change in order to progress forward, but never give up on the things worth fighting for their weight in eternity is worth it.

 Matthew 18:18 "I tell you the truth, whatever you bind on earth will be bound in heaven, and whatever you loose on earth will be loosed in heaven."
with that being said, be careful what you give up on and use your best discernment, and then to make your decision sure, use Gods discernment and back it up with the bible. I think the best thing in our lives is our refresh button. you may not be aware that such a thing even exists! well let me tell you it does. its deep and hard to find, but you gotta work for it if you really want it. the secret to finding refreshment is PATIENCE and LOVE and GRACE. you must look at old things with new eyes, and in doing so be able to let go the past and move forward with your life. if you find this place and are truly willing to look through unselfish eyes you will find new things in the making, trust God to work when you take this step and actively seek the refreshment and renewal He is working, and let go the past.

revelation 21:5 "He who was seated on the throne said, “I am making everything new!” Then he said, “Write this down, for these words are trustworthy and true.”

my Jesus makes all things new, you just have to be willing to let him.

All In All

When all is said and done, Jesus is the one and only who will never let you down. stop running after things that disappoint and things that fade. these were the words Jesus spoke to me tonight.

use of time

what do you use your time for? hopefully its good things, your days are numbered and your time is not your own.
Ephesians 5:15-16 "Be very careful, then, how you live—not as unwise but as wise, making the most of every opportunity, because the days are evil.

and we pray

sorry for the long hiatus in my blogging but im back.

Anyways... we pray. What do we pray for? Do we pray for others? Do we pray for ourselves? Why do you pray... odds are its a selfish reason. i feel like we buy in to a trap that says if we pray for things we want God has to give them to us and this simply is not truth. The truth is we are completely under the dominion of God and we cannot make him do anything. He has no obligation whatsoever to answer our prayers like we want him to. When we are sick we pray for healing... what if God wants us to learn to trust through our long suffering? What if he wants us to learn dependency through our weakness? Well then, what good would getting better quickly do? A lot for your physical needs but you would be deprived spiritually. God grows us through our hardships and trials. Next time you pray ask God for his will, ask God for trials and hard things to overtake you so you can learn what it is to be in full dependency of God and his providential grace. He has already given you the grace before the trial even comes, you just need to learn what it looks like and what he is trying to teach you. If your life was roses and sunshine all the time how would you ever learn to appreciate the rain? Even though rain keeps you bound inside and it looks gloomy and depressing it feeds life. It rejuvenates the ground and breaths life and refreshing into the plants,   the same way trials are hard, but when you trust God and get through them you realize how much he was there holding you and renewing your mind and spirit through them. Stay steadfast and recognize and embrace his grace in every circumstance. Grace and peace and love in Christ Jesus our Lord. Jesus bring the rain.

Cigarettes and coffee

We all have addictions, we all have a vice. We all have a past that haunts us, but there is hope. The things that bind you to this world are fleeting, they are simple, they are escapable. Christ makes us more than conquerors, he makes us heirs. The Lord of all can free you from the trappings of this world. Don't dwell on the past, the mistakes, the pain. Focus instead on the upward goal of Christ in our lives, focus on your renewing and repentance. If you hold onto things you cannot change you are forsaking the Grace of God, and also failing to see the beauty of your failures. We are all human, flesh, and sin. We all have fallen short of the glory of God, considerably. There is nothing in your life God has not used for good. He works all things for the good of those who love him. Make the choice this day to say "Lord i am letting go of these trivial things that haunt me, i am embracing your grace. i am choosing to see the beauty you have placed in my life....in every moment." You are free.

Romans 7

Believers United to Christ

 ¹Or do you not know, brethren (for I am speaking to those who know the law), that the law has jurisdiction over a person as long as he lives?

 ²For the married woman is bound by law to her husband while he is living; but if her husband dies, she is released from the law concerning the husband.

 ³So then, if while her husband is living she is joined to another man, she shall be called an adulteress; but if her husband dies, she is free from the law, so that she is not an adulteress though she is joined to another man.

 ⁴Therefore, my brethren, you also were made to die to the Law through the body of Christ, so that you might be joined to another, to Him who was raised from the dead, in order that we might bear fruit for God.

 ⁵For while we were in the flesh, the sinful passions, which were aroused by the Law, were at work in the members of our body to bear fruit for death.

 ⁶But now we have been released from the Law, having died to that by which we were bound, so that we serve in newness of the Spirit and not in oldness of the letter.

 ⁷What shall we say then? Is the Law sin? May it never be! On the contrary, I would not have come to know sin except through the Law; for I would not have known about coveting if the Law had not said, "YOU SHALL NOT COVET."

 ⁸But sin, taking opportunity through the commandment, produced in me coveting of every kind; for apart from the Law sin is dead.

 ⁹I was once alive apart from the Law; but when the commandment came, sin became alive and I died;

 ¹⁰and this commandment, which was to result in life, proved to result in death for me;

 ¹¹for sin, taking an opportunity through the commandment,deceived me and through it killed me.

 ¹²So then, the Law is holy, and the commandment is holy and righteous and good.

 ¹³Therefore did that which is good become a cause of death for me? May it never be! Rather it was sin, in order that it might be shown to be sin by effecting my death through that which is good, so that through the commandment sin would become utterly sinful.

The Conflict of Two Natures

 ¹⁴For we know that the Law is spiritual, but I am of flesh, sold into bondage to sin.

 ¹⁵For what I am doing, I do not understand; for I am not practicing what I would like to do, but I am doing the very thing I hate.

 ¹⁶But if I do the very thing I do not want to do, I agree with the Law, confessing that the Law is good.

 ¹⁷So now, no longer am I the one doing it, but sin which dwells in me.

 ¹⁸For I know that nothing good dwells in me, that is, in my flesh; for the willing is present in me, but the doing of the good is not.

 ¹⁹For the good that I want, I do not do, but I practice the very evil that I do not want.

 ²⁰But if I am doing the very thing I do not want, I am no longer the one doing it, but sin which dwells in me.

 ²¹I find then the principle that evil is present in me, the one who wants to do good.

 ²²For I joyfully concur with the law of God in the inner man,

 ²³but I see a different law in the members of my body, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin which is in my members.

 ²⁴Wretched man that I am! Who will set me free from the body of this death?

 ²⁵Thanks be to God through Jesus Christ our Lord! So then, on the one hand I myself with my mind am serving the law of God, but on the other, with my flesh the law of sin.

living it

Living.....breathing.....moving....working....sleeping. Life, the drudgery that becomes us? Not so much.... it is what we make it. If we make life menial and trivialize every little thing that upsets us we begin to change, we begin to harbor resentment towards things that we never payed half a thought to before. Think about it... is your life really that bad? Do you really have it that hard? Are you trying to glorify your trials by magnifying them to everyone in hopes of consoling or sympathy? Maybe you do have it that bad..... but nevertheless, stop complaining. Everything we have is by grace, God gives us trials to shape us and make us stronger. He will never give you more than you can handle going through. Maybe you cant go through it because your to busy complaining and pitying yourself instead of focusing on the goal ahead? Romans 8:18 "For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory that is to be revealed to us." Instead of nursing sorrow and dwelling on your trials hardships, focus on the glory ahead, the promises that are to be given to us! Sometimes we make the hardships of our trials our glory. (GLORY: something that is a source of honor, fame, or admiration; a distinguished ornament or an object of pride). Why? Why do we glorify our hardships? Because of an issue of pride. We want people to know that we are suffering and battling through it, as if it is by our own strength. Instead glorify God in your struggles, glorify him and admonish your sinful desire inside to glorify yourself. Instead let your praise be to the one who carries you through your hardships and declare his good works to the world. Psalm 96:3 "Tell of His glory among the nations, His wonderful deeds among all the peoples."

Prayer for love

I pray, Father, that out of your glorious riches you may strengthen me with power through your Spirit in my inner being, so that Christ may dwell in my heart through faith. And I pray that I, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge--that I may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God. Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all I ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within me, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen.

All the pieces

i have this feeling i cant shake, its a deep longing, a yearning. i have so much inside of me that is part of me, but it has no escape, no outlet, no expression. Its so hard to live inside of a tent when i was meant for open fields and oceans. Thus, is my soul. i have so many experiences, stories, feelings, dreams, heartaches, joys, longings, worship, and life. i want a canvas stretched wide to pour myself out on! i want to be loosed from this entrapment that is my flesh and this world! I want to be with my Father, i want to spend my days running barefoot in the sand! i want to be immersed in his ocean! i want to ride on his winds and soar above creation! i want to dance with gladness and a joy unadulterated! i cant take this world and its cold steely bars, its death-grip on me that holds me in reality, a reality that is not my home!! i want to walk arm in arm with my savior and hear him tell me about how he loves me, how he adores me and how passionately madly loves me. I want to tell him that i love him too, and show him my life like a child shows their parents a drawing, i want to pour myself out in front of him and ask him to fix me and improve me! i want to display for him all the workings in my life that he has done, and explain to him why i love them so much....even though he already knows. I WANT HIM TO FEEL MY LOVE! i yearn to be free from the trappings of this flesh, this entombment, this embodiment of sin. I want my spirit to soar before my God and be in fellowship with him. All the pieces of me, will be expressed in his heaven. i will be free...... but for now i wait....

Psalm 71 Forsake Me Not When My Strength Is Spent

Psalm 71

Forsake Me Not When My Strength Is Spent

 ¹ In you, O LORD, do I take refuge;
   let me never be put to shame!
²In your righteousness deliver me and rescue me;
   incline your ear to me, and save me!
³Be to me a rock of refuge,
   to which I may continually come;
you have given the command to save me,
   for you are my rock and my fortress.

 ⁴Rescue me, O my God, from the hand of the wicked,
   from the grasp of the unjust and cruel man.
⁵For you, O Lord, are my hope,
   my trust, O LORD, from my youth.
⁶Upon you I have leaned from before my birth;
   you are he who took me from my mother’s womb.
My praise is continually of you.

 ⁷I have been as a portent to many,
   but you are my strong refuge.
⁸My mouth is filled with your praise,
   and with your glory all the day.
⁹ Do not cast me off in the time of old age;
   forsake me not when my strength is spent.
¹⁰For my enemies speak concerning me;
   those who watch for my life  consult together
¹¹and say, "God has forsaken him;
   pursue and seize him,
   for there is none to deliver him."

 ¹²O God, be not far from me;
   O my God, make haste to help me!
¹³May my accusers be put to shame and consumed;
    with scorn and disgrace may they be covered
   who seek my hurt.
¹⁴But I will hope continually
   and will praise you yet more and more.
¹⁵My mouth will tell of your righteous acts,
   of your deeds of salvation all the day,
   for their number is past my knowledge.
¹⁶With the mighty deeds of the Lord GOD I will come;
   I will remind them of your righteousness, yours alone.

 ¹⁷O God, from my youth you have taught me,
   and I still proclaim your wondrous deeds.
¹⁸So even to old age and gray hairs,
   O God, do not forsake me,
until I proclaim your might to another generation,
   your power to all those to come.
¹⁹Your righteousness, O God,
   reaches the high heavens.
You who have done great things,
   O God, who is like you?
²⁰You who have made me see many troubles and calamities
   will revive me again;
from the depths of the earth
   you will bring me up again.
²¹You will increase my greatness
   and comfort me again.

 ²²I will also praise you with the harp
   for your faithfulness, O my God;
I will sing praises to you with the lyre,
   O Holy One of Israel.
²³My lips will shout for joy,
   when I sing praises to you;
   my soul also, which you have redeemed.
²⁴And my tongue will talk of your righteous help all the day long,for they have been put to shame and disappointed
   who sought to do me hurt.

I do. marriage, trust, and God

So i have this story i want to tell you, its a good story, and it comes from Genesis chapter 29. Jacob goes out and he is on a trip and he comes to "the land of the eastern peoples". He stops and asks some shepherds where they are from, and they reply Haran. Something is familiar about that to him so he asks "Do you know Laban, Nahors grandson?" and they say "Yes, look he is coming.". Laban was the son of Bethuel, the son of Nahor, who was Abraham's brother. He lived in Haran, a city in Mesopotamia which is today part of Syria. Laban's sister was Rebekah, who married Isaac; Laban was therefore Jacob's uncle. Now this makes the story a little weird but disregard the family relations. Jacob sees Rachel, Labans daughter, and he kisses her and tells of their relation. She runs to tell her dad and he comes and embraces jacob saying, "You are my flesh and blood." Jacob stayed and worked for him for a month, and at the end of the month Laban said,"just because you are a relative of mine, should you work for me for nothing? tell me what your wages should be?". He had two daughters, the younger Rachel, and the older Leah. The Bible says that Rachel was beautiful and lovely in form, but Leah had weak eyes. Its not talking about vision, its a nice way to say someone is ugly in Hebrew.......in Hebrew Leah means cow...... so enough said. Jacob asks for Rachel and offers 7 years of service for her, 4 times more than required by the law, and it says they passed like days because of his love. Finally when Jacobs service is over he says to his uncle "Give me my bride, my time is up, i want to make love to her." Now i don't know about you but i find Jacob is very rude and disrespectful to Laban and to his soon-to-be bride. Had i been Laban i probably would have busted Jacob in the mouth....Anyways... Laban gathers together a bunch of things for a feast and gets Jacob smashed beyond belief and sneaks Leah into his room. Jacob is so inebriated he doesn't even realize!  The word says 


^25"So it came about in the morning that, behold, it was Leah! And he said to Laban, "What is this you have done to me? Was it not for Rachel that I served with you? Why then have you deceived me?"

 26But Laban said, "It is not the practice in our place to marry off the younger before the firstborn.

 ²⁷"Complete the week of this one, and we will give you the other also for the service which you shall serve with me for another seven years."

 ²⁸Jacob did so and completed her week, and he gave him his daughter Rachel as his wife.

 ²⁹Laban also gave his maid Bilhah to his daughter Rachel as her maid.

 ³⁰So Jacob went in to Rachel also, and indeed he loved Rachel more than Leah, and he served with Laban for another seven years."

So the Lord sees that Leah is hurting and gives her a son and she names him Reuben which means, see a son. Because the lord gave her the son. Then she has another son who she names Simeon, which means He hears. She did this because the Lord heard that she was suffering and was not loved. Then she had another son and named him Levi, which means joined, because she thought, "Now that we have sons my husband will love me.", but it was not the case. She had another son and named him Judah, which means praise. She offered praise to God. Jesus came from this lineage, from Judah and Leah, not Rachel. God blessed the unloved in her praise to him.
So i want to talk about some things, when Jacob first sought Rachel he was impatient and tried to rush his marriage by offering a ridiculous and absurd amount of time, and never once was God in his thoughts nor did he seek Gods will in the situation. He also was wrong in his love. He did not love Leah and mistreated her like a concubine. God was not in the relationship with Rachel either, he burned with worldly passions and lust. Leah, on the other hand, was blessed by God and recognized that he was Good. She glorified God with all of her children's names and gave God the glory. She put God first in her marriage and was blessed for it. i think i can say that in relationships we do outlandish things to earn peoples love and approval and often lose sight of what is good. i urge you to make God a priority in your relationships, the largest priority, and he will bless your relationships. Put him first and pray often and your relationships will flourish. The best marriage you can have is based on a foundation in God, because he is immovable, and if you are founded in him your relationship will be unshakable. Grace and peace.

Why?

i often wonder why? Why this, why that? i think too much and let my mind get the best of me. i think the most frequent and recurring thought i have is, "Why dont you....love the God...who created you...and loved you... with a love... unfailing?" i often ask this when i think about non Christians; but really i should ask this about everyone, even christians. i know and see that there are christians that believe in God but struggle with loving him, or never truly love him. They attest to that by the way they live, they live for themselves and for things. Why dont we love God? Why? Why? WHY? Because we fail to grasp the truth about love. We say "love", and think, "emotion, feeling,random chance, fate, its a thought, its affection." NO!... this is not love. not even close. LOVE IS A CHOICE!! did you just fall into a strong bond with your spouse, favorite movie, best friend, children, job, family? i don't think so.... At some point you made the choice to love them, or at least the choice to pursue those things and grow your love. It always starts with a choice. God is love, God is a choice. You have to chose to love God. That's why it isn't easy to love God. Its not the predominant part of our nature, our nature is to sin, so loving God is radically against what we want to do. If you really want to love God you have to make the choice daily to lay down what YOU want to pursue him. We are all selfish, and we are all ignorant. No one is above these things. When something is hard we just decide not to do it. Sometimes we will do hard things if we have something to gain from it, but what happens when the profit and gain is taken away from our labor? We don't care to labor anymore, we deem it impossible or worthless and decide to do something easier or what is comfortable and assume everything will be alright. Well it wont. Lacking ambition and drive to do whats right will make you fall into complacency and idleness. Idleness is a sin. Idleness is doing nothing. We are too lazy to love God. We are promised a crown, eternal life, and rewards unfathomable in heaven. We don't have the tangible proof right now, and as a result we question whether or not it is worth laying down our lives for. We are so carnal and fleshy. We only want gratification that is immediate. i know. Everyone knows. We have become a faithless people when it comes to God. We in turn, chose not to love. People say that if your servitude to God doesn't come natural, or if it isn't easy, its not really serving God, or your not a faithful enough Christian. i detest that statement. Serving God isn't easy, neither is loving him. If it was wouldn't everyone be doing it? If its easy to serve God then you must not really be serving God hard enough..... When you really love something you make selfless sacrifices to show your love and adoration, to show that you place your LOVE above yourself. You give until it hurts and you ache, you give until you cant give any more and feel inadequate because you don't have enough to give. You give more than you have, then you give until you have given everything. then you find that the only thing you have left is your life, and you give that too. You give up what you cannot keep to gain what you cannot loose.
What will you benefit if you gain the whole world but lose your SOUL? Nothing at all! You will have a worthless empty life and you will die, and while your dying you will wonder, "what have i done with my life. what will happen to my things, my accolades?". They will crumble, they will fade. They will never be more than an idol you selfishly pursued and worshiped. What is there in this life that isn't temporary? What do we have that is always stable and remaining in the world? Nothing.... even the rocks crumble, they are fading just as quickly as the breath your breathing out of your lungs in terms of eternity. So why do we hope in the world? God is the only absolute we have, but we make him into an uncertain because we lack the faith.... we don't trust. We chose to do what is easy or convenient for us, so we can feel relaxed and in control; but the truth is no one is above chaos. God can control chaos. He holds all things in his hands? Can you fathom this? We take the strongest and most stable thing in our lives and turn it into an uncertainty. Chose to love God above yourself. Chose it every morning. Chose it with every breath you draw, because you don't know which on will be your last. When we fail to repent today, we have one more day to repent of and one less day to repent in. Do the difficult and chose to love. i hope and pray you sense this urgency. Lord JESUS heal our ignorance and forgive our unbelief. Give us the strength to love you more.

Ephesians 5:15-16 Be very careful, then, how you live—not as unwise but as wise,  making the most of every opportunity, because the days are evil.

holy spirit

When we come to the Lord we are given the Holy Spirit as a covenant showing that we are of the Lord . The Holy Spirit guides us and directs us in the will of God. A vast majority many Christians have a understanding of the Holy Spirit but no relationship with the Holy Spirit, the Holy Spirit is just as much God as the Father is or the Son! The Holy Spirit longs to have a relationship with you, and if you don't have that you cant have the best and most productive relationship with God. Many Christians think that if you pray and read your bible and try to live righteously you will just "get" more of the Holy Spirit. This is not truth, while these things all have great benefit in your life they don't result in you "getting" more of the Holy Spirit. You never "get" more of the Holy Spirit. He comes and dwells in you, and quite simply lives. The choice is yours to let Him have more leading in your life. To have a better relationship with the Holy Spirit all you have to do is surrender; the more areas of your life you hand over, the more the Spirits influence becomes stronger. How can He lead you if you haven't given him control? If you want more of Gods influence, give him more of you.
John 3:30 "He must increase, but I must decrease"

are you ready for Gods love?

The words mercy and unfailing love....are interchangeable. Gods love is never ending and unfailing. He is the greatest thing in this universe and he loves you.....this is so unfathomable. He even loves you when you fail him and when you don't love him back...

Don't beat yourself up over your mistakes, just love God with everything you got and try to stop screwing up. He still loves you and always has.

Much love, Korey

okay Lord, we will listen

But now you must put them all away: anger, wrath, malice, slander, and obscene talk from your mouth.

—Colossians 3:8 

snowy trails

today is beautiful. the sun is grinning sheepishly and teasing me with a hope for spring. as i looked out the window i saw a story unfolding before me, a story that was lingering inches below the snow. trails around that would only be there for a short time before the sun devoured them in its warming rays. a rabbit, curious and hungry, scavenging about my grand rapids home. he was intrigued by our apple tree, perhaps anticipating fruit. how boldly did he go clamoring about my front yard with his big feet, in such a careless fashion. i wonder what inspired such boldness in my furry friend, and where he came from is a mystery. ill never know, but at least i know he has a  brave demeanor. footprints in the snow, significant, but insignificant. important to him, unimportant to everyone else. but nevertheless he has a story. kind of like people, we all have footprints and stories of where we are going and where we have been. Ever stop to consider the life and story unfolding around you? life is beautiful, but you will never see it unless you take the time to slow down, stop, and consider whats happening. fleeting and only lasting for a while, catch them before the disappear forever. footprints in the snow.

isaiah 41:13

"For I hold you by your right hand—
      I, the Lord your God.
   And I say to you,
      ‘Don’t be afraid. I am here to help you."


this drove me to tears when i read it this morning. its such a show of Gods love and compassion. you have a daddy who loves you, a father who will not abandon you when life gets hard. He is a father who will hold your hand through your trials, with such compassion and intimacy he will show you he loves you. God wont abandon you. He loves his children. i want my daddy.... 

tinkering in my brain

Just a thought, wanting to share said thought. God is love, and God in his fullness embodies the word, selfless. God is the epitome of unselfishness. God hates selfishness, because its everything that he isn't. be selfless in your actions and with what you have, whether it be money, possessions, friends, time, ext. because its not yours anyways. Be selfless, be holy, love God.

disguised

oh sweet bitterness, your tyranny takes hold of me.
despotic abuse of authority, you will not lord over me
thrown headlong into depravity, i drown in insecurity


when the love runs dry the rage pours in
you always ensnare me in your sin


oh fated lust you promise dreams
but you only deal out death and twisted feelings
you beat me down and cut my throat
i bleed out slow as you steal my hope


you take away my feelings and distort my view of love
you will not lord over me, my hope is in my God


oh condescending lies you beckon inclination of my ear
all the things you have defiled to cover up your fears
your tempting lips and calming smile sweetly swoon me for a while
you draw me closer, fluid lies, trying to convince, that you will satisfy.....

in the doldrums

Some days i feel like i'm in the doldrums. i'm stuck out at sea with no wind in my sails. i don't like complacency either, this wretched storm has made me realize more than ever how much i despise sitting and doing nothing. i want to be free, i want to be out exploring, sailing the oceans of life if you will. i want everyday to be a new adventure with no wasted opportunity. God speaks, listen. God moves, you go. God leads, follow. Don't waste your life waiting for the wind, seek it out, find it...... Sometimes you have to work your oars to find the wind and get back into the air currents. Don't think that doing nothing and being complacent will get you moving. It wont happen.

confidant

When things get rough where do you go with your problems? Who do you confide in? i think a lot of our problems and anxieties could be alleviated by changing this one simple thing in our lives. All too often we do things like, worry and mope. Actually what we really should do, is thank God for opportunity to grow and pray. We find ourself confiding in silly things and we get caught up in ourself. Michael Catt said, "People have largely rejected the word of God as the basis of their authority and become gods unto themselves bowing down to 5 gods who have self as their first name: self-righteousness, self-will, self-pleasing, self-exaltation,  and self-confidence." If we put all of what we have into "self" what left do we have to give to God? We live by his grace alone and nothing good has come from ourself, so why do we put some much trust and worth into our own bodies? We find it so hard to confide in Jesus over our friends and ourselves... but lets be honest its easier to confide in a close friend than someone you barely know....

KEDUSHAH

nekaddesha et shimkha ba-olam
le-dor va-dor
nak dishakh vena'arit sakh

We will sanctify your name on the earth
unto all generations....
we will sanctify and revere you

אנו לקדש את השם שלך על פני האדמ
אל כל הדורות ....
אנו לקדש ו מעריץ אותך