walk it out

my relationship with Jesus is hard. i cant think of a time when it was easy. my thought life is a struggle and a thing i wrestle with, mostly doubts, often doubts in my character and myself. i question whether i am good enough or not, or if i am doing enough. its like taking a stroll with Jesus... we are walking and all of a sudden i notice my shoe is untied, and i think "that just wont do, i'm inadequate." so i stop and tie my shoe, but Jesus doesn't care about my shoe or the laces not being tied in a nice little bow. He has bigger plans and a broader focus, so he keep walking. and when i get up i notice, Jesus is a little a head of me, maybe only a couple of feet, so i rush and hurry to catch up, only to find that once again, my shoes are untied. and this time i look up he is even farther ahead, but i have to tie my shoes. if i don't, i might trip and fall and get hurt! so i stop again to tie them, afraid that i will trip and lose even more ground  between me and my Marvelous King. but after a while he is miles ahead of me....... and in this moment i realize, he doesn't need me, and i dont have to have it all together, besides what good does stopping to tie my shoes do me now, he is already miles ahead of me! so if i just sprint after him and get back as fast as possible i can start over. Being by his side makes me realize something i have neglected to think about all along, if im walking next to Jesus and i trip because of untied shoes, he will see me and help me back up. its a beautiful thing. so i am just gonna stop ambling around "tying my shoes" trying to be perfect. im just gonna walk it out the closest i can and the best i can, knowing my Savior is gonna save me if i trip and fall, because i will be by his side.