infedelity

we choose......our life is filled with choices. but do we always choose what is right? certainly not.....but why do we do it? why do we mock Jesus? we are supposed to love the Lord Our God with all our hearts minds souls and strength...but we choose infidelity...we choose unfaithfulness. We are the disease that consumes us... we are the end of something beautiful...

too many times i find myself wandering in the darkness thinking everything is okay....like, i know jesus and i know his plan and his words...so whats the worry? and in those moments i looks over my shoulder and see a marvelous light....that i have reduced to the flicker of a single candle...because of the distance I HAVE PUTH THERE.... i am the only reason i am not closer to Jesus. i could sputter out hundreds of excuses, time, problems, issues, hardships...but none can justify my infidelity. i have put myself here....i am the culprit, i am the one with the blood on my hands. all of my reasons, excuses, lies.... my fault. but yet the excuses always seem to creep in...they suffocate me. i cant stand the man in the mirror some days. nevertheless i always find this desire and urge to return to the one i have set aside in pursuit of trivial things that dont help me. its hard to deny the only good thing i have and will ever have... and its in those moments i realize, i only have one desire, no matter how great my failure and sin... its to be close to my maker. to feel his love. there is nothing like it and its truly amazing. i am flooded by grief and repentance at what i have done....no matter how small.  and in these moments i am free...because that distant light is so overwhelming. i cannot see, i cannot comprehend. why me? why love....me? i am undeserving, but Jesus always takes me back, before i can blink, before i can breathe. my infidelity has been forgiven....ive been made clean. Amazing Grace.....how sweet the sound.... it has truly saved a wretch that is me. i am amazed by the grace of God.

walk it out

my relationship with Jesus is hard. i cant think of a time when it was easy. my thought life is a struggle and a thing i wrestle with, mostly doubts, often doubts in my character and myself. i question whether i am good enough or not, or if i am doing enough. its like taking a stroll with Jesus... we are walking and all of a sudden i notice my shoe is untied, and i think "that just wont do, i'm inadequate." so i stop and tie my shoe, but Jesus doesn't care about my shoe or the laces not being tied in a nice little bow. He has bigger plans and a broader focus, so he keep walking. and when i get up i notice, Jesus is a little a head of me, maybe only a couple of feet, so i rush and hurry to catch up, only to find that once again, my shoes are untied. and this time i look up he is even farther ahead, but i have to tie my shoes. if i don't, i might trip and fall and get hurt! so i stop again to tie them, afraid that i will trip and lose even more ground  between me and my Marvelous King. but after a while he is miles ahead of me....... and in this moment i realize, he doesn't need me, and i dont have to have it all together, besides what good does stopping to tie my shoes do me now, he is already miles ahead of me! so if i just sprint after him and get back as fast as possible i can start over. Being by his side makes me realize something i have neglected to think about all along, if im walking next to Jesus and i trip because of untied shoes, he will see me and help me back up. its a beautiful thing. so i am just gonna stop ambling around "tying my shoes" trying to be perfect. im just gonna walk it out the closest i can and the best i can, knowing my Savior is gonna save me if i trip and fall, because i will be by his side.

PRAY

Jesus the Christ,
you refused to turn stones into bread.

save us from using our power,

however little,

to satisfy the demands of selfishness

in the face of the greater needs of others.

Jesus the Christ,

you refused to leap from the temple top.

Save us from displaying our skills, however modest,

to win instant popularity

in the face of nobler calls on our abilities.

Jesus the Christ,

you refused to bend knee to a false God.

Save us from offering our devotion,

however weak,

to cheap or easy religion

in the face of the harder path

on which you bid us to follow you.

Jesus the Christ, 

give us the wisdom to discern evil,

and help us in the face of all that is deceptively attractive

help us to choose the will of God.

my utmost for his highest may 14th....spoke multitudes and got me thinking

. . . that the life of Jesus also may be manifested in our body —2 Corinthians 4:10

We have to develop godly habits to express what God’s grace has done in us. It is not just a question of being saved from hell, but of being saved so that “the life of Jesus also may be manifested in our body.” And it is adversity that makes us exhibit His life in our mortal flesh. Is my life exhibiting the essence of the sweetness of the Son of God, or just the basic irritation of “myself” that I would have apart from Him? The only thing that will enable me to enjoy adversity is the acute sense of eagerness of allowing the life of the Son of God to evidence itself in me. No matter how difficult something may be, I must say, “Lord, I am delighted to obey You in this.” Instantly, the Son of God will move to the forefront of my life, and will manifest in my body that which glorifies Him.

You must not debate. The moment you obey the light of God, His Son shines through you in that very adversity; but if you debate with God, you grieve His Spirit (see Ephesians 4:30). You must keep yourself in the proper condition to allow the life of the Son of God to be manifested in you, and you cannot keep yourself fit if you give way to self-pity. Our circumstances are the means God uses to exhibit just how wonderfully perfect and extraordinarily pure His Son is. Discovering a new way of manifesting the Son of God should make our heart beat with renewed excitement. It is one thing to choose adversity, and quite another to enter into adversity through the orchestrating of our circumstances by God’s sovereignty. And if God puts you into adversity, He is adequately sufficient to “supply all your need” (Philippians 4:19).

Keep your soul properly conditioned to manifest the life of the Son of God. Never live on your memories of past experiences, but let the Word of God always be living and active in you.

MORNING AND EVENING- CHARLES SPURGEON

Matthew 28:20  I am with you alway.

It is well there is One who is ever the same, and who is ever with us. It is well there is one stable rock amidst the billows of the sea of life. O my soul, set not thine affections upon rusting, moth-eaten, decaying treasures, but set thine heart upon him who abides forever faithful to thee. Build not thine house upon the moving quicksands of a deceitful world, but found thy hopes upon this rock, which, amid descending rain and roaring floods, shall stand immovably secure. My soul, I charge thee, lay up thy treasure in the only secure cabinet; store thy jewels where thou canst never lose them. Put thine all in Christ; set all thine affections on his person, all thy hope in his merit, all thy trust in his efficacious blood, all thy joy in his presence, and so thou mayest laugh at loss, and defy destruction. Remember that all the flowers in the world's garden fade by turns, and the day cometh when nothing will be left but the black, cold earth. Death's black extinguisher must soon put out thy candle. Oh! how sweet to have sunlight when the candle is gone! The dark flood must soon roll between thee and all thou hast; then wed thine heart to him who will never leave thee; trust thyself with him who will go with thee through the black and surging current of death's stream, and who will land thee safely on the celestial shore, and make thee sit with him in heavenly places forever. Go, sorrowing son of affliction, tell thy secrets to the Friend who sticketh closer than a brother. Trust all thy concerns with him who never can be taken from thee, who will never leave thee, and who will never let thee leave him, even "Jesus Christ, the same yesterday, and today, and forever." "Lo, I am with you alway," is enough for my soul to live upon, let who will forsake me.

bringing to light

All these things we have, all the things we do, all the things we toil for....what are they for? What is our purpose in them? do we have things right? Are we doing these things right? Why do we struggle so hard and toil so laboriously for things that have no real weight or impact on our lives? Why cant we simply be satisfied by living, by the work of our hands, find the joy in our labor? Are we really working in all things as though we are serving the Lord? Or are we working for our own selfish gain? 

ephesians 6:7-8 Serve wholeheartedly, as if you were serving the Lord, not people,  because you know that the Lord will reward each one for whatever good they do, whether they are slave or free.


We should find the joy in what we are doing, not what we get out of our labors.


ecclesiastes 3:9-14 What do workers gain from their toil?  I have seen the burden God has laid on the human race. He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the human heart; yet no one can fathom what God has done from beginning to end. I know that there is nothing better for people than to be happy and to do good while they live. That each of them may eat and drink, and find satisfaction in all their toil—this is the gift of God. I know that everything God does will endure forever; nothing can be added to it and nothing taken from it. God does it so that people will fear him.


ecclesiastes 3:22 So I saw that there is nothing better for a person than to enjoy their work, because that is their lot. For who can bring them to see what will happen after them?


What are we working for? Why do we get anxious and grumble about what we don't have and what might happen? Because we are ungrateful and selfish. Just slow down for a while and enjoy your life and what you have been given, for it is the gift of God.


phillipians 4:11-13 I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances.  I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do all this through him who gives me strength.

DREAM.....

So i had one of the most vivid dreams of my life last night, i think the general theme may have been inspired by all of the old testament readings yesterday. Either way, i was in a desert wandering and i stumbled upon this town. all the people were in utter terror and confusion, they had lost their ruler or someone of that sort, nothing was terribly specific to that aspect of the story anyways, nothing had unfolded from it. There was a sword in the heart of this towns aquifer, which they had carved out of limestone, and this sword was the most beautiful precious metals. it was guarded by a fierce ( ill just say being, i never saw what it was but only heard a voice)  who killed anyone who tried to take this sword. it belonged to a precious girl who was a rare treasure and was highly sought after. i watched as two went before me into the aquifer to try and take the sword and both were torn to pieces after being warned, "you cannot take that which is not yours to hold" and for some reason i thought i could try and have things end differently. at this point the people of the town had started to calm down from the chaos that was consuming them, dont know why or its significance but it happened. i remember climbing a ladder once inside the aquifer, moving closer and closer to the room where the sword was held. and then as i reached for the door i heard the fierce voice " you cannot hold that which is not yours" so i stopped and said "im sorry, i didnt mean to do any wrong. i will leave and ask the woman if i can hold this precious thing she holds so dear and then return." as i slowly started to turn away the voice said "wait, come. i know i will not regret this, it is already yours, come." so i went inside. and there before me lay the sword and i reached for it. as i was reaching the room filled with demons and they sought what i was reaching for, so i grabbed a stick, or a shepherds crook (its a little fuzzy here) and fought off the demons like they were nothing, the voice i had heard was resounding loudly in a cry and i felt so strong. i drove off the demons and claimed what i had come for.... and then i was shaken awake by my room mate.. im still puzzled by why i remember it so vividly and what it all means. i wish i had a daniel here for me sometimes to interpret my crazy dreams.