we choose......our life is filled with choices. but do we always choose what is right? certainly not.....but why do we do it? why do we mock Jesus? we are supposed to love the Lord Our God with all our hearts minds souls and strength...but we choose infidelity...we choose unfaithfulness. We are the disease that consumes us... we are the end of something beautiful...
too many times i find myself wandering in the darkness thinking everything is okay....like, i know jesus and i know his plan and his words...so whats the worry? and in those moments i looks over my shoulder and see a marvelous light....that i have reduced to the flicker of a single candle...because of the distance I HAVE PUTH THERE.... i am the only reason i am not closer to Jesus. i could sputter out hundreds of excuses, time, problems, issues, hardships...but none can justify my infidelity. i have put myself here....i am the culprit, i am the one with the blood on my hands. all of my reasons, excuses, lies.... my fault. but yet the excuses always seem to creep in...they suffocate me. i cant stand the man in the mirror some days. nevertheless i always find this desire and urge to return to the one i have set aside in pursuit of trivial things that dont help me. its hard to deny the only good thing i have and will ever have... and its in those moments i realize, i only have one desire, no matter how great my failure and sin... its to be close to my maker. to feel his love. there is nothing like it and its truly amazing. i am flooded by grief and repentance at what i have done....no matter how small. and in these moments i am free...because that distant light is so overwhelming. i cannot see, i cannot comprehend. why me? why love....me? i am undeserving, but Jesus always takes me back, before i can blink, before i can breathe. my infidelity has been forgiven....ive been made clean. Amazing Grace.....how sweet the sound.... it has truly saved a wretch that is me. i am amazed by the grace of God.
